Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
