I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
