Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
