Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Watching her eat just hurts me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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