I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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