I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
