I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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