omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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