Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
