I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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