five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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