my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
