hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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