was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
