i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
