Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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