It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
