fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
