I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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