The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
