The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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