She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
