that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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