That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
