At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
