At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dick very happy bro
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize