yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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