It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
