Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize