I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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