Got a toothbrush?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize