a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
