Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize