Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
