did you get engaged???
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
