i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm passing your future prison.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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