In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
