dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
