Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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