I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
