Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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