Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
