Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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