Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
