I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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