Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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