Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
