I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
