Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
