Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
