I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
