i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
