You were right. It hurts to walk today.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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