Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
