just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
