After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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