i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
