when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
