My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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