So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
