I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
