dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
