On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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