Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
