My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
