Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
