Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
