I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
