Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
