Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
