If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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